Past regression therapy….

Who was i??

An actor, a dancer or a person who was a social animal…. I think everybody in their lifetime thinks what were they in past life?? But somehow today they are so busy that they actually can’t recall and do not have that spare time to think about such stuff….. one of my friend is a tarot card reader… we have been friends for a long time…. Though she’s  much elder  than me, she understands  me as that is her work to do so. I was easily convinced by her that problems you face today in your present life have some or the other connection with your past life and that is why our inner conscious knows that  where are we wrong but we all tend to avoid it. I always wanted to know what I was in my past life and then I would be able to understand  why love is upset with me… is that just my misconception or it is really related to my past life..

Late night around 1 in the darkest hour of the night.. a boy looking for answers, with confused head, asking god and himself why me?? That was me who wanted to peep into my past life and see what exactly happened over there.

Once I start writing what experience I had, let me warn you all it sounds stupid and crazy. But that is how it was…… first vision….. I was sitting near the grave and weeping myself out, I was crying, weeping so loud that in the big place there was no one listen or help me out.

 I was into my past life, I can be so sure because while being in my subconscious I was crying… why was I crying??? What was the reason I was crying for?? All these questions were  going on in my subconscious mind. And the vision faded.

***

 The eyes that looked back at me were full of love and affection. No. The picture did not do justice to her beauty. The big, beautiful, gray eyes, always lined with kohl, the cute little nose and the nose stud she wore, the naturally pink lips all set in that heart-shaped face made her look like an angel. The smile, the dimples that the smile brought, the way her eyes brightened every time she smiled had taken my breath away every single time I’d looked at her, I’d considered himself lucky to have her. To have her love.

She’d promised to stay with me forever. Didn’t she tell me that no matter what, she’d always love me? Hadn’t she promised that even if I wanted her to leave, she wouldn’t because she loved me too much? Didn’t she tell me that she’ll never leave me alone? Then why?

Why did she go? Why did she leave me when I hadn’t even asked her to? Why did she break her promise? Where did the forever go?

I hadn’t asked her to leave. I couldn’t, ever. But, she did. For God wanted her to.

To see someone die is painful. It hurts. To see someone you love more than anything else in the world, die is excruciating.

I blamed myself for her death. No matter what my friends said, no matter how much my parents consoled me, no matter what HER parents said, I held myself responsible. The doctor had declared her brought dead and she’d died with my name on her lips and my hand in hers. i’d seen the pain on her face but I had also seen the love in her eyes.

If only I’d dropped her till her place that day. If only I had taken her words seriously when she said “she was scared to go home alone”, she wouldn’t have got “raped”  L yes that is what I saw she was raped  to death… that feeling I had was bad, degraded that how can that happen to her… but it did happened.

I looked below. 20,000 feet. I couldn’t even do that. I couldn’t even die. I knew I couldn’t end my life. The parents-mine and hers would not be able to take it. Her parents had lost their only child. myparents would lose theirs if I jumped.

I walked back to our home. The house she’d wanted since she was nineteen. I knew i’d  buy it. Buy it for her. But, there was no her.

 I wondered where she was. I wondered if she was watching me. Tears were flowing and I wondered if she was crying with me, wherever she was.

“I don’t want you to cry. Not a single tear, okay? I love you. Always have, always will,” I whispered crying out loud in front of her grave.

Two month later, I died in a road accident

I had the same family which I have right now…. And I could relate that girl whom I loved  to my present life, she was my best friend in this life… 

The past regression therapy ended and I came out of my first session. My eyes were heavy. My head was paining.  I was again and again thinking about it. I was feeling the volcano of feelings were there was pain, love, care,  feeling happy for someone and felt that what were the reason I was alive. My hands was speechless just crying my heart out and no one was there……

Moments Of Love

Why oh Why, Do I feel this way?

When I'm with you I feel so alive

Why oh Why, will I hide away

I can't help it

I'm FALLING IN LOVE with you...

The words "I love you" how many times do you say it in a day? When you  are busy on work, job deadlines and friends meetings sometimes a quick "I love you”" can always change anything at the end of the day.

However, sometimes there are persons who are shy and cannot say, “I love you” to their loved one personally. As one saying goes, "There's evidence behind it -- actions really do speak louder than words. If you cannot easily spill out romantic words to your partner these are simple strategies that will send your message loud and clear:

I'll be loving you forever

Deep inside my heart you'll leave me never

Even if you took my heart

And tore it apart

I would love you still forever...

"The best way of expressing love is by knowing what your love one needs and doing it,” This shows that you listen and that his/her well-being and happiness is important to you. Don’t wait any longer for your love to say I need this every time they will feel a lack of attention and if not fulfilled it will surely lead to despair. The key is to pay attention. A thoughtful gesture from someone you love is always appreciated no matter how small or simple it is.

it's not the flowers, wrapped in fancy paper

it's not the ring, we wear around our finger

There's nothing in all the world i need

when i have you here beside me,

here beside me...

An unexpected gift or note saying, “You are special or Thank you” on a card. "It shows that you think and care for her and feel connected to him even when you're not together." Simple thoughts can brighten up someone’s day always. No matter how tiring the day is if someone feels care and concern it will definitely make someone’s day brighter.

Take my hand

We'll walk awhile,

we'll talk awhile

Feel my love

Always there beside you...

A research says, "Looking into each other's eyes signals you are deeply connected”. Most busy lovers, however, manage only quick glances.  Take advantage of opportunities for eye contact that last longer than a few seconds will do. If you have a dinner date, lock eyes during your conversation. Face each other as you chat in bed before falling asleep. Even when surrounded by others seek out your partner's eyes and make a quick connection.

watching as you softly sleep

what i'd give if i could keep

just this moment

if only time stood still but the colors fade away

and the years will make us grey

but baby in my eyes

you'll still be beautiful...

 Even a simple call over the phone or a text message of showing your concern and care for that person would do. Just making someone feel that he or she is loved can be expressed in many simple ways. Even just holding your partners hands while walking, throwing a big hug and looking into her eyes or just a simple smile with a pat saying “Thank you for being a part of my life”,or a simple kiss is the real score  that bonds lovers together.

all i want is to hold you forever

all i need is you more every day

you saved my heart

from being broken apart

you gave your love away

and i'm thankful every day

for the gift...

Romantic gestures are not only for women every human needs it and that includes men. It does not matter if you are expressive through words or actions. The best thing is making everything to at least let your love be felt that he or she is extra special in your life.” It does not matter how simple it is if it comes from the heart with love.”

P.S: loving someone is blissful and if there's some who loves you, you are blessed... never let him/her go away from your life

best friends are not forever..

"Frustration leads to pouring heart out onto piece of paper. Conclusion... feeling exactly the same, if not worse."

Everyone has best friend , That one friend you loved the most, that one friend you shared your most dirty secrets and fantasies with, that one friend who ripped you apart like a heartless butcher, that one friend will always matter the most.

I clicked on the'New Post' button as soon as I logged in today thinking I'd just write about it and get it over with. But here I am, staring at the blank screen from the past 3 minutes wondering why do I even want to write about her. She broke me, she made me cry my eyes out, reached heights of misunderstanding me and still, there is that little corner of my heart that wishes her the best of all worlds.

She was my best friend for as long as I remember. I had more in common with her than I had with myself. People used to call us the alpha-beta couple.(why??? Will let u know some other day) And we always took pride in it's lameness :D, because we thought they both can't exist without each other. Well, apparently they can. I've spent the most beautiful days with her. Technically, she was my better half. We've played, yes played, laughed, cried....  I promised her that I'd be that crazy uncle who'll spoil her kids. We literally took an oath that we'd tell each other everything about our first nights. No, that isn't cheesy, that was two little 17 years old laughing and promising to be bffs forever.

Laughing like maniacs over something as petite as a tongue slip was routine. I haven't laughed like that since the day we've stopped talking. I miss that. I want my stomach to hurt when I laugh. It just doesn't happen now. I wish we'd never played the 'You've changed, a lot' game. We both lost. Each other. I don't miss her, I don't want her back, but my mind and heart refuse to shut down her memories. We've broken up hundreds of times, called each other names, but it never got this nasty. It has almost been months since I've seen her now.

She left a void. I have many beautiful people in my life right now. Everything is stable and lovely. But the void still exists. They love me, I love them. They care. I care. It still doesn't feel the same. I know it never will. This void has crept beneath my skin. Looks like you're only allotted a certain amount of tears per person and I've used up mine. Her absence doesn't make my eyes moist now. It feels like autumn. Dry autumn.

P.S: I think of her. Every single time. Secret: I've noticed that my heart drops a lot recently.

        I love you M, I always do, even while I hate you.

Stuck on u

i checked ma watch again...9.30 pm...m waiting for past one and half hour...and still no sign of her...i had tried calling her n also texted her but her cell was unreachable...damn...i was so sick of her "excuses" ...and now i vl have to listen to some more of them...i decided in ma mind...that this is too much now...i have every right to get angry on her...i have every right to shout at her...enuf is enuf..i vl do it today...i was building up ma so called “courage” but i was disturbed..

“sir we are closing d kitchen now” waiter said

“ohh...just wait for 5 more minz...i vl order “.. i replied in somewhat mortifying tone..

He just gave me another of those disgruntled look..probably he was expecting something different from me...

I remember how he had wishd me and guided me towards the table i had reserved with that happydent smile...now it was as if every1 was looking towards me as if i had commited a big crime...

(n another big agony that i cant order even...cuz madam always has her own choices and that too her choices differ everytym...and to be frank everytym she is d 1 who orders...so i wudnt dare to break that so called “tradition”..)

C’mon...wat can i do if ma gal promises me to arrive half n hour before our fixed tym...n yet havnt arrived 1 and half___________ *ma thots were broken midway thru as i saw some1 entering thru d restaurant door*

There she is...i said in ma mind (anger still in ma eyes)...ohh hold on...was she wearing that yellow chudidaar..yes she was wearing that same yellow churidaar which i had gifted her on her bday...n those necklace and earings...and ofcuz those matching bangles,..m sure she must have returned from some party/function...she caught ma glance and i responded by waving ma hand... she responded with a flying kiss

God..i have to admit 25% stake in that so called anger on her instantly vanished as a result of her “bold and beautiful” look/entry

She came and sat, i was still in the mist of that remaing 75% anger on her...

“so...hw u sweety..?? she asked in her sweet voice..she was unperturbed as if everything was going perfect

“where the hell were u???.. U are 1 hour 40 minz late” i bursted ...simultaneously pointing towards my watch (as to add some extra effect to ma statement)

She kept quiet for a while and then replied with that sweet convincing tone of her

“listen i was busy baby...u know today jyotika won a dance competition ...so she threw a party..and u know na ma presence was “inevitable”..”

“inevitable ha...nice...and wat bout ur presence with me...and wt bout ur phone..???”

“ok ok ...i said sorry na...and my phone is weird”

“wt???...ur phone is weird..???....c’mon thats d kinda answer u give...no this isn’t fair...i want proper xplaination..” ...yes i was going rite...i was bout to succeed in ma mission but then something weird hapend..

She said ok she vl xplain but slowly in ma ears....i tilted ma head and went closer...and she did the most unexpected thing....she came closer turned ma head back straight...and planted a kiss on ma lips....i cant literally write how it felt and stuff...cuz that tym ma brain died cuz of heart attack

But my heart described it later...and these are those words straight from my heart

“I am convinced that right now if you zoomed into my eyes,

behind the darkness of my lids you would see fireworks that matched

the popping in my ears and vivid flowing of my blood.

Right now I am pretty sure I have no lungs

The most perfect kiss of my life.

I never want it to end, but you know I need my lungs back”

We were both quite even though 5 minutes had passed since then...she must have felt little awkward later cuz this was very straightforward from her part...i thought of talking something productive

“so ma’am kitchen is closed now, aren’t u hungry”....i said looking straight into her enticing eyesight...god damn it...wt m i saying...n y d hell u giving me that look ...i took ma eyesight back on menu again

“come..” she said holding ma hand...

“i have seen bhelpuri stall outside...lets eat there..”

 She was eating every pani puri with such a pleasure...

I had finished my bhelpuri and was thinking...ofcuz bout that “incident” 15 minutes ago

She was saying something and i was lost in my own thoughts...thoughts about how lucky i was to have some1 like her in my life...

“pawan listen...u know what unlike goans. I don’t like eating in those ravish big restaurants,showing off fashion, night life, partying all the tym,living a hi-fi life...m a simple bangalorean...and i like life to be simple...and ofcuz i love simple people ....may be thats the reason why i love you..”

She said and winked at me

“hmm...that xplains my reason to be quite at the restaurant”...i said

And we both laughed (my 75% anger had dissapeard long back)

She was stuck by that simple truth...that most of the ordinary things can be made extra ordinary..if u have rite people with u...

And i...well i was stuck by d same bt in “vice versa” manner...

V day post

V day is nearing and the eternal lover boy that i am, how can i let the chance go to add my bit to the occasion.

Heres one line each dedicated to each one of my ex girl friends, the definition of girl friend strictly being having said/typed the three golden words.

Whatever they suggest, I emphasize that I have loved loving these girls.

number1. Love and inertia are like carrots and radishes. They look similar but one is red and the other is white.

number2. Does dumbness really know no bounds or was it just you?

number3. If I cant tolerate you, most probably, I cant love you.

number4. No seriously, heterosexuality is generally fun. I just had an off day.

number5. You would like Sachin Tendulkar except for the mustache and remember, Tendulkar does not have a mustache.

number6. That message that you read was from number 5 and not one of my friend’s silly jokes.

number7. Today, its been eight years since we met.

number8. You would have a cute ass if u wax it.

number9. All TV serials are fictitious and should not be referred while making life changing decisions.

number10. I have started saying excuse me after farting.

number11. Loved your acting in ‘pretty woman’ and ‘oceans 12′. We should start dating again.

number12. If only you knocked at the door before coming over to my place that day…

number13. You never know, I might still just follow the diet.

number14. My successor made me puke.

number15. Belated Happy Birthday.

number16. Please make sure I am the first one to know as soon as you get your nose surgery done.

number17, Its unnatural to use Janu, sweetoo, cutie pie in one sentence.

number18. Hope you dont make that sound from your nose when you laugh.

number19. Some times, four inches of heels are not enough.

number20. Why did you have to become so hot immediately after we broke up.

number21. I still do, even though I know I shouldn’t.

number22. I am still waiting for your second blog after ‘the god of small things’.

number23. Hehe, you did expect I would call you back, didn’t you?

number24. You French! Racism sucks.

number25. The verb which follows ‘didnt’ is in present tense, even if you are talking about something from the past.

number26. You are the only girl I have ever come across who did not know that boys are pigs.

number27. Thanks for all the gifts. Sorry for disappearing two days ahead of your birthday.

number28. I switched to ‘axe’ from the road side ones.

number29. Not everything I say can be described as ‘stupid, cutely stupid.’

number30. You missed the right era for being born by seven millenniums.

number31. I promise I would not mistake your name with other girl’s name. Just come back. You are very special because you are only thirty first true love.

number32. If you come back, I promise I wont bore you by faking British and American accents, even though I have grown really good at it.

number33. Please change the ‘from my past relationships I have learned’ section from your Orkut profile. Some of my friends actually know we were dating and it is just too malicious.

number34. Parle vous anglais?

number35. The other day one of my friend talked dirty about you and I did just what you would have wanted me to, gave him your number.

number36. Wish you were not imaginary like the rest of them.

It was fun writing this post.

Should help being in relationship, yet again, this V Day.

p.s: the following post is for hummer purpose... hope u enjoyed it :)

power of gratitude

I find this emotion really hard to understand! One of my friend said he’s jealous of my relationship and he had a cruel intention to even break us apart… he said I had a perfect life and he didn’t like it…. Yes,  he just said it on my face .. he’s not the only one who said it on my face many people did too…  My life is just as ordinary or as enchanting as yours. It is just that I always look at the brighter side and I do feel very  fortunate for all my blessings which I keep affirming.

One thing that I have truly learnt from life is that what Jerry and Esther Hicks keep teaching is indeed one hundred percent true. The laws of attraction do work. Positivity does work wonders. Once you understand (and practise) this simple but profound key, paths magically open up.(I am a believer of Rhonda Byrne's Secret).

So many people tell me that I am one truly positive person and ask me how I can be so happy all the time. Trust me, I have my really down moments too (ask my girlfriend and cousins and my closest friends), but I crib only rarely. Even in the bleakest of situations, I am indeed able to quickly bounce back and see the bright side.

One of the things which has worked for me to be able to do this is journalling. I do maintain lots of  journals. One of them is a hand-written little gratitude journal in which I simply write down things I am grateful for. I do not do it every day and I update it whenever I feel particularly good about something someone did for me or something that happened. Once I write this, it is a total 'boost me up'.

If things are not going right for you, if something that you want very badly is eluding you, if someone has been really unfair to you, if the one you love has left you, if life is totally treating you bad, then it is indeed time to GRAB happiness. Start a gratitude journal today.

Here's how you do it:

Walk into a nice stationary shop and go through the journals on display for sale. Run your hands on their covers. Look inside and see if there is adequate spacing. Do you prefer a plain one or one with lines? Do you want one with handmade paper or do you want a sleek modern one? Do you want a mole-skin one or a leather bound one? Choose one which makes you feel totally happy.

Now choose a nice pen too and keep the journal and the pen beside your bed. You are ready to start.

At the end of the day, write down whatever little thing has made you feel good. You are not allowed to write any negative things in this journal. Did it rain today? Did the smell of rain make you feel happy? Write it down!, did your secret crush smile at you? Did the smile gave butterflies to your stomach? Write it down!

Remember there are no rules for what you can write or how much you should write. Write it as long as it makes you feel good and happy. The only rule is no negativity.

All my entries start with date and time at the corner and has the title 'Things I am grateful for today.'

The more you get into this habit, the more you find things to be grateful for. You are at peace with yourself,because suddenly you realise that there is truly a LOT to look forward to in life, which you have been ignoring as the blanket of negativity which you had earlier enveloped yourself with, was clouding your judgement.

Try it!  Follow it sincerely. Believe in it and it will indeed change your life and fill you with happiness and peace.

P.S: Trust me. I know what I am talking about.

Why is it important to say 'I love you'?

Amongst the many recurring discussions my friend divya and I keep having, one of the most frequent one is  "Why is it important to say 'I love you'?"

Is it really important to say the words "I love you?" to your loved ones--your closest friends, your family members, your relatives and your spouse? If actions speak louder than words why isn't 'action' enough? Why do some people say these words easily and why do they choke in the throats of others like a fish-bone or like a large morsel of food swallowed hastily? If you are above the age of fifty you would probably find it harder to say the words, as you're conditioned to think and behave in  certain ways. But if you're not older than fifty (give or take a few years) you probably can say them if you  really want to.

The fact is that three simple words "I love you" when said, when you really mean them, have the power to uplift, to heal, to comfort, to calm and reassure. They are very powerful words indeed. All humans long to hear these words. They show an unconditional acceptance  of the other person and create a powerful shield around their vulnerabilities.

Everyone feels unloved now and then. There is enough negativity, stress, anger and hate in the world. The words when uttered by a loved one, enriches the giver as well as the receiver. It goes a long way indeed in making that person feel wonderful. Think back about the last time that you heard those words. Remember the emotions you experienced. The person you say it to, would of course be experiencing the same emotions. Who does not want to be loved?

Saying "I love you" or "Love you loads" when you really mean it, is in fact, an electrifying form of  communication. You can just feel the energy in those three words.

My friend divya says everybody has a cup of love that needs to be filled every single day. I agree whole heartedly with her.By nature, I am very expressive, and I do tell the special people in my life often that I love them. divya does too (a lot more than me)  and it is no wonder that she draws so many positive people towards her.

 Why is it so important? Because life is very short and very unpredictable. People die. Relationships die.There may be times or there may be days when you want to say it but you're unable to. You cannot because that person is no longer there. It is one of the saddest feelings I have experienced. I know that on some days I want to hear it very badly. (Perhaps my cup wasn't filled enough that day)

When parents hear "I love you", they feel assured that they did not do such a terrible job of raising you after all. When a lover hears "I love you" what he/she hears is "I am there for you even if the entire world is against you." When friends hear "I Love you" they feel appreciated and valued and loved.

So just say it!  Text or mail if you're still shy about expressing it, but it is very important to express it.

I feel  so content when I hear these words from the ones closest to me. I'd much rather have my cupful of love than a two pints of beer or a super bike any day! Sometimes I demand it, but it is not the same as getting it unconditionally.

If you're able to say it and if you have people who say it often to you, then you are blessed beyond belief. Consider yourself lucky. Very lucky and blessed indeed.

May it always stay that way!

p.s: when you say "I LOVE YOU" with all sincerity and when you truly mean it, a kind of magic happens which is hard to explain.

Don't believe me? Try it!

And I, for one, am fortunate indeed to hear these words often from my closest friends and from my spouse. I silently thank them and they go into my cup of blessings.